TO After The Proposal
by itsafour
Summary: Monica was going to marry this man. She believed that, more than anything, she wanted to be one hundred percent honest with him; leaving unresolved issues behind was not part of her plan. - Set on TOW The Proposal, on the season 6 finale. Monica and Chandler talk about the events of that day.


_**Author's note: I want to thank all the sweet guest reviewers for showing up, you guys are very sweet. Laura, thank you too! You asked me about longer fics, but I don't think I'm able to do that yet, writing is something very new to me haha maybe one day.**_

 _ **About this one: Monica and Chandler's relationship is so great I believe because they communicate well, so there's no way the whole Richard proposing/Monica going to his place wouldn't be talked about in privacy. I've always imagine this little conversation, and I was really happy when I saw the fic SomewhereBeyondReality posted about this moment, but I thought I'd give it a shot too because I recently rewatched TOW The Proposal and this little filler scene wouldn't leave my mind. This is how I like to believe the conversation between them happened. I hope it's enjoyable. :)**_

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She had planned a whole speech, but in the end Monica was unable to even finish the first sentence. She couldn't believe this was actually happening, yet of course she could. She was going to marry this man. The moment was finally here.

This was the Chandler she knew and loved, the one who had overcome his fears, one by one, to be with her; the one that had been responsible for every big step in their relationship. She knew this day would come, she was sure of that, so seeing him acting weird all of a sudden had definitely freaked her out. Things were okay now, though. They were going to do it. They were getting married.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" Rachel said, tears in her eyes, her face matching the expressions on her friends.

The three of them seemed ready to celebrate, however they needed Ross's presence for it to be right. Monica even phoned him, only reaching his answering machine. She suggested someone leave a note at his apartment, to which Joey volunteered.

They all expected to wait together for the moment Ross would show up, but Monica actually wanted to be alone with her previously-boyfriend-now-fiancé before they shared the moment with the gang. She needed to talk to him, so she asked for some privacy. The rest of the group didn't question anything and just left, Monica telling them it wouldn't take long before she called them back in.

The apartment was still dark with a million candles. She closed the door behind her friends and locked it for good measure. Chandler eyed his fiancée curiously, but he anticipated what she wanted to do.

She wanted to talk about the previous events from that day, probably about Richard's proposal too, he was sure of that.

And that's exactly what she wanted. Monica was going to marry this man. She believed that, more than anything, she wanted to be one hundred percent honest with him; leaving unresolved issues behind was not part of her plan.

Chandler stood there, in the middle of the apartment, and Monica walked to him, feeling her hand a little heavier, if possible, because of the ring, tears coming back to her eyes at the sight of her man. He smiled a little at seeing her smile, and she got close to him, softly kissing his mouth again. They locked eyes, hers shining brightly with the light coming from the candles.

"Chandler. We need to talk."

She expected him to have a bigger reaction, but he merely nodded and headed to the couch while holding her hand, sitting there and pulling her close.

Monica took a deep breath. "Chandler, we're supposed to be honest with each other, and that's why I asked the guys to leave. I need to talk to you about some things. But, before I start, I want you to remember that I love you, okay? Do you believe that?"

He actually flinched at the intensity of her introduction, suddenly a bit scared of what she was going to say. "I do."

"Okay, good. Um… Yesterday… I was at work when…" She sighed "When Richard showed up. He wanted to tell me he still loved me and wanted to marry me and have kids with me."

"I know that."

"You do?" He could see the surprise in her eyes even in the dark of their apartment. "How?"

"You had a little conversation with Joey, didn't you?"

"Oh… right." Not expecting that, she continued. "I talked to him after we had lunch and you started talking about pig sex" She timidly smiled a little, resuming her serious expression right after that. "Which leads me to another thing. I was… really, really… upset... about that little talk over lunch, and Joey added worries by telling me you were unlikely to take a wife. I kind of freaked out and… um…" She deeply sighed again, mostly disgusted at herself. "I went to Richard's."

"Why?"

"Huh?" She expected him to have all sorts of exasperated reactions but he looked so stern it was almost unnerving.

"Why did you go to Richard's?"

"It's very complicated to explain."

"Can you try?" His voiced cracked a little, and she could tell he was doing his best not to let the hurt show on his face. That broke her heart into tiny little pieces.

"You don't think I still want him, do you?"

"I don't know, Monica. I'm not really thinking about anything, I just… want to know why."

"Okay." She took a second to organize her thoughts, looking as if she was about to give a lecture on some really complex topic – which would be a situation close enough to the one she was in at the moment. "The short answer would be: I thought I was going to die alone and Richard was my last chance to avoid that."

"What?" He almost laughed at that. If anyone from this relationship would die alone after a breakup that would be him! He'd claimed Alone Ville years ago. Monica had no idea what she was talking about. "How can you even think you would die alone?"

"What's so weird about that?"

He scoffed. "Monica, please. Look at you."

"Chandler, that really doesn't say anything. I was never lucky with love! You were there! My longest relationship is with you, can't you see that?"

"I guess… it's just… weird… thinking that this would be the reason for you to go to his place."

Monica realized that if she wanted to talk about it, she needed to go all the way, or else he would never understand.

"Chandler, I'm not going to lie and say Richard wasn't important in my life. He really was. Before him I couldn't really imagine the possibility of anyone ever loving me for who I am." She could tell by the painful look on his face that those were words he didn't want to hear; that didn't stop her, he needed to hear everything. "But then, we wanted different things, and I had to break up with him. I never regretted my decision because after all we did want different things and the relationship would never survive that." He silently nodded as he knew she wasn't finished talking. "After Richard, there was Pete. And maybe it wasn't the biggest love story of all time, but I imagined a future with him too, and, in the end, things didn't work out for the very same reason."

Chandler waited for her to continue, not really knowing where she was going with all that but aware that she didn't like being interrupted.

"You know what those two relationships had in common?" He shook his head. "Uncertainty." She laughed, a little more bitterly than she intended. "I was never okay with either of them because I was constantly afraid that something would show up and screw everything up, or that they would get tired of my… weirdness… my obsessive behavior… and stuff. There was always tension in my mind, and also some sort of… distress about doing the best I could to be with them. Every time a potential relationship like that ended, I realized I was getting older and it would be harder to find someone else, and that I would end up an old maid." She pouted, then remembered something "Or an old spinster cook, perhaps." She laughed at the memory, causing him to weakly laugh too.

"You know what the difference between what I have with you and what I had with them is?"

"Humor?" He had to. She smiled, even though she playfully hit his leg.

"No! Assurance."

"Really? With me? The crazy irrational screw-up?" His eyebrows were arched, and he still did not get her point.

"With you I felt safe since the very beginning. I didn't have to worry about my weirdness because you'd known me for years. And I've always known that despite your commitment issues you treated what we had as something precious, that you were afraid of us being a second version of Ross and Rachel, afraid of ruining our friendship. I wasn't with some random guy. I was with my best friend, and I could trust my best friend."

"I gotta say you have some balls for trusting me."

"I guess so", she laughed again, then lifted her left hand to show the ring. "I was completely sure this day would come" Her hand moved to stroke his face. "I was finally able to stop worrying about starting everything. I could stop asking where things were going. I was so sure we would eventually get married I didn't feel the need to pressure you at all. I was just… enjoying… the best relationship I ever had." Tears were again pooling on her eyes. She couldn't believe how much she'd cried that day. _I'm probably dangerously dehydrated_ , she pondered.

"When you started talking about marriage as something terrible and stupid, I thought I'd hit rock bottom again. All I could think about was that I would never have with anyone else what I had with you. I kept asking myself what was it about me that made me so repulsive that even the guy that seemed to love me so much wasn't willing to spend a lifetime with me."

"I'm so sorry, Mon." Chandler caressed her face, his thumb wiping a tear.

"No, it's okay, really. The idea of throwing me off course was actually sweet." She sniffed, letting out a watery laugh. "It's just that… the moment I thought not even you wanted to marry me, I felt I was doomed to loneliness, and that, maybe, at least Richard wanted to marry me. So I went to his place. But nothing happened, Chandler, I swear. I actually…" She laughed a little again. "I actually spent the whole time talking about you because I was so mad." She swallowed hard. "And after I left, I was disgusted at myself for even going there in the first place. No matter how mad I was with you, I should never have been there."

Everything she'd said made perfect sense for Chandler because, truthfully, he felt pretty much the same way. He thought he was lucky for having Monica, and despite the anxiety in the first few months of their relationship, ever since they moved in together he noticed he didn't freak out as much as he used to. He could feel that assurance she'd mentioned; moreover, proposing to Monica didn't feel scary because, just like she was sure this day would come, he was too. Also, he truly believed that if they ever broke up, he too would be doomed to loneliness. The image of Richard was like a ghost, constantly invading his mind when he allowed his brain to doubt himself, representing his biggest fear, which was losing her. He had imagined several scenarios in which for some reason that guy showed up again, asking to marry her, which would end up with Monica getting back together with him. She didn't though. She was here. Not only willing to spend the rest of her life with Chandler, but also doing her best to make sure he didn't feel threatened by former boyfriends. He wanted to tell her he understood everything she'd done that day, reassure her that everything was okay, remind her that this was the best relationship he ever had too, but he was at a loss for words.

Chandler looked down, his eyes moving frantically, then lifted his head to look at her again, blurting one thing out. "I went there too."

"What?" She definitely didn't see that one coming. "You went to Richard's? When? Why?"

"After you talked to Joey, he told me that… Richard had said those things, and that I should look for you. I did, and I couldn't find you anywhere, so I figured you'd be there. And I knew you'd been there when I saw a glass of scotch on the rocks with a twist on a coaster on Richard's table."

"You know me so well." She laughed. "So, what happened? Did you talk to him?"

"I told him he had his chance with you and that it was my chance now. He actually told me to go for it and never let you go. I don't think that big tree is going to show up again. Well, at least, that's what I want."

She moved forward to hug him. "I'm so sorry I made you go through all this."

"No, Monica. I'm so sorry for coming up with a stupid plan instead of just proposing."

She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling his soothing hands travel all over her back. Monica moved her face a little, kissing every bit of skin on the side of his face until getting to his lips, parting her own to kiss him deeply. They rested their foreheads on each other's, knowing for a fact that this was the happiest moment of their lives.

"Chandler…" Her hands were cupping his face again "In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky as to… as to fall in love… as to fall in love with my best friend." And, once more, she was crying. "Dammit! I'll never be able to say what I wanted to say."

Chandler chuckled at how adorable this woman was, his hand on her face making her feel warm and protected.

They kissed again. "Are we okay?"

"Yes, we are." He had never been more okay in his entire life. They hugged again and stood up. Once up, arms around each other, they started swinging side to side, as if music was playing and they were dancing, their bodies moving slowly and completely content in the silent, dimly lit apartment.


End file.
